Do you remember that I drink Bloody Mary occasionally?
After four rounds of Campari, Gin and Tonic water, I am on Vodka now.
I am on a new drug for chemo therapy now…Paclitaxel or Taxol. I have had three rounds of it, and it marches me off to Hell! 500 ml of the blessed medicine is administered to me over 3hours! Then there is a pre medication of 30 minutes and a post medication of another 30 minutes. It drives me nuts!
By the time I stagger back home, I am groggy and so exhausted! Strangely, I am quite free from any kind of side effect till the next day. Just when I begin to hope that probably this time there is no adverse reaction, it hits me….BOOOOM!!!
I always believed that I could bear a lot of pain, but “body ache” has a new definition for me now. It feels as if my bones get pounded by a pestle and I am in crushing pain. I pop in paracetamols which only help to a certain degree, but when the vodka hits, it just hits!!
Around the 4th day after chemo, just when I have surrendered to the torture, the body ache mysteriously disappears. I keep expecting it, but it does not come back, as if it had never happened!! It makes an idiot out of me and that is when the REAL fun begins!!!
The neuropathic problem begins with my palms. They start tingling as if I have pins and needles and they burn. Then the uncomfortable sensation gradually spreads to almost every where on the body. It is so unbearable that I don’t think I know a word to describe it. I am in utter agony and there is absolutely no way of getting rid of it!!
Dear Dr Rao has prescribed Lyrica capsules to reduce the problem, but I have taken to chanting and meditation in a serious way. It may sound ridiculous and idiotic, but I believe that I can control it to a certain degree by controlling my mind. And that is exactly what I have been practicing. Every time a bout hits me, I sit down; I calm myself and I either chant or meditate. Sometimes I need to do both. The intensity of the bout reduces.
As I said, it may be stupid, but I am surviving on it so far!! I pray to God that it sees me through the last round of chemo therapy. I keep my faith.
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Sweetie...it is not stupid at all...you and i both know that chanting doesn't just help...it actually works! So u keep at it as will we all. You r almost home free so hang in there! Keep smiling! Hugs....Ritu!
ReplyDeleteHope your chemotherapy gets over soon...as Ritu rightly says, hang in there sweetheart and keep smiling..we're all chanting for you..lots of love, hugs & kisses !
ReplyDeleteNever underestimate the power of the mind, just like we should never underestimate the power of our own words. Positive thoughts and words have power. Try not to say "I have breast cancer". you are then owning it, its not yours, OK? "I have been diagnosed with breast cancer" is different as the diagnosis will change once this trial is over.
ReplyDeleteMeditation and filling your mind with positive thoughts WILL help, One of my favourite psalms is psalm 46, I have memorized parts of it and sing it to myself while driving or cooking, it starts as "God is my refuge and strength, an everpresent help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea". It goes on for a bit and ends with my favourite verse "Be still and know that I am God". So when you meditate, be still.
Thanks all of you!I am trying so hard!! Ena, I love the last line "Be still and know that I am God"...it is so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteHi didi,keep chanting and praying,they are the real tools to get you through!You have nearly reached... just one more time.We are all praying for you.Luv you.
ReplyDeleteNothing is ever ridiculous or idiotic if it helps you.The power of the mind is amazing .
ReplyDeleteHi,chanting and prayers are invincible...The Divine never lets you down..have faith in The Divine,which does not call for performing any rituals...see yourself as an instrument of The Divine..testing the Brave like you...you are an example of courage and positivity...chin up...apu.
ReplyDeleteThanx Apu! there are moments when I feel low, but I jerk myself out of them. Thanx for being there!:-)
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