It is all about the chair that you sit on…your position of power. How difficult it is to come down from the throne just when you get used to being treated like the Queen of Sheeba! Hélas! That is what is about to happen to me!
After undergoing the surgery in March, the second round of treatment, the chemo therapy began on the 29th of April and was scheduled at a gap of every 2 weeks. I went through 8 rounds and the last chemo therapy was on the 5th of August. It was 3 and ½ months of sheer hell and endless side effects. In fact, initially I would have a bad week and then a good week, but in the latter 4 rounds there wasn’t a single day that I felt totally well before I went in for chemo. My plight was so pitiful!
While Tisham was still in Singapore during my very first round of chemo, he sent me a beautiful message which I saved up. This is what he wrote to me, “Ma, you should sit back and let yourself be pampered for the next 4 months! Love you!” That is precisely what my family did to me…Pradipta, Tisham and Diya spoilt me rotten. Every single restriction imposed by the doctor was adhered to unstintingly. I was the Queen of Sheeba!:)
My meals were either cooked by Pradipta or by Tisham just minutes before I ate to ensure its freshness. Tisham, who has inherited his passion and enthusiasm for cooking from his grandfather and his father, would bake chocolate cakes and puddings. Dr. Rao had prescribed a high calorie, high sugar diet. Hence I lived on kheer, stewed apples and pears and sooji halwa replete with nuts and raisins…all specially prepared by the two important men in my life. Ice creams were bought for me every second day as that had become my primary food. Diya bought the most exciting flavors of ice cream like the water melon flavor and honey cinnamon flavor. I was steadily and surely gaining weight to throw around!
For some chemical reason, soon after the chemo, I would invariably spend the entire Saturday and Sunday weeping. Pradipta insisted that my drug “Taxol” had psychedelic effects which made me so crabby. I would have a stream of tears flowing down incessantly…and of course that was misery sans reason! Tisham decided that I needed to distract myself. He made me watch mushy romantic films or various episodes of “Frasier”, which normally had me giggling.
I was in the limelight, held the centre stage of the family. Yet, little did I appreciate my “position of power” at that time. Friday, the 3rd of September is my birthday. On that day, all restrictions that had been imposed for chemo therapy would be removed. I would be FREE, FREE and FREE….at least for the time being. I am waiting for the day with baited breath.
However Tisham points out the flip side. He says that, that day onwards I would be reduced to a riffraff, a common mortal, ousted from my glorious throne…to go out shopping, watch movies, plays, and eat at restaurants just like you all.
Which would I prefer? Good Heavens, what a question to ask! :))
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A NEW FORM OF ART!
I read about a French form of art called the “Marouflage” in the Delhi Times of Friday, 20th August. I read that horses play a prominent role in this form of art. Though my knowledge of art is rather limited, I am not a complete philistine. I am quite capable of appreciating a beautiful Cave Painting of early man as well as a fine Islamic or Renaissance painting.
Although I am not a connoisseur of contemporary art, I realize that “tattoos” and “nail art” are the hot favorites among many today. The thought of tattoos scares me because of the pain involved in such an art form. I much prefer to see the colorful nail art. But my special form of art is the “chemo art”.
You wonder what “chemo art” is? It is something specially reserved for the Gods’ chosen few! Now, now, now! Do not be jealous! Let me tell you about it. After the first couple of rounds of chemo therapy, I noticed that my finger nails were becoming dark, almost brownish. I asked Dr Ranga Rao about it. He gave me a knowing smile and said that it was a side effect of the chemo drugs. Now that I have completed all 8 rounds of chemo therapy, let me assure you, my nails look utterly stunning!! :)
My toe nails are polka dotted with small black spots and not half as exotic as my finger nails! The finger nails have beautiful white horizontal lines and look perfectly striped!! The two thumb nails are gorgeous and maroon with pretty white streaks. I exhibited the 20 exotic nails to Dr. Rao. He consoled me and said, “Don’t you worry, they will all get back to normal in 6 weeks time!”
I thought to myself, “Me worried? Goodness gracious, no! I am not worried!” As for you, you better not think, “Poor her!” of me either! Let me assure you, I am infinitely proud of my pretty nails and vouch to flaunt them as long as they last. Move over nail art, my “chemo art” nails are enviable!! :-))
Although I am not a connoisseur of contemporary art, I realize that “tattoos” and “nail art” are the hot favorites among many today. The thought of tattoos scares me because of the pain involved in such an art form. I much prefer to see the colorful nail art. But my special form of art is the “chemo art”.
You wonder what “chemo art” is? It is something specially reserved for the Gods’ chosen few! Now, now, now! Do not be jealous! Let me tell you about it. After the first couple of rounds of chemo therapy, I noticed that my finger nails were becoming dark, almost brownish. I asked Dr Ranga Rao about it. He gave me a knowing smile and said that it was a side effect of the chemo drugs. Now that I have completed all 8 rounds of chemo therapy, let me assure you, my nails look utterly stunning!! :)
My toe nails are polka dotted with small black spots and not half as exotic as my finger nails! The finger nails have beautiful white horizontal lines and look perfectly striped!! The two thumb nails are gorgeous and maroon with pretty white streaks. I exhibited the 20 exotic nails to Dr. Rao. He consoled me and said, “Don’t you worry, they will all get back to normal in 6 weeks time!”
I thought to myself, “Me worried? Goodness gracious, no! I am not worried!” As for you, you better not think, “Poor her!” of me either! Let me assure you, I am infinitely proud of my pretty nails and vouch to flaunt them as long as they last. Move over nail art, my “chemo art” nails are enviable!! :-))
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
LIKE COMMON COLD?
They say it is a “State of the art” machine but it scares me like hell! It is absolutely enormous and it rotates around my head like a jumbo giant wheel. It makes my bald head spin on its axis when I look at it. This is the machine that treats me for radiation therapy.
I finished eight rounds of chemo therapy and began on the next round of treatment …the radiation therapy. I am made to lay down in a semi dark room, on a cold platform with a metallic frame…not the most comfortable bed to lie on! An immobilizing cast made of thermo plastic is then placed on my naked body and then screwed on to the platform to keep me in place. Only then the treatment begins.
I need 31 sittings of this therapy and it takes only 20 minutes on the machine. Hence the ordeal does not last for too long. On the first day, the expert technician asked me which slot I preferred for each day. I would really have liked a slot around 11AM but unfortunately, that was not available. What a pity!
“Do take a look at the white board, Ma’am;” said the technician, “only 10AM is available.” I decided that the time was not convenient for me at all, and informed him that, in that case I would prefer a slot in the afternoon. “None other is available, Ma’am,” he insisted. I wondered disbelievingly, how that was possible and walked into the Control Room to take a look at the schedule.
What I saw was unbelievable! There was, on a huge white board, a schedule of 22 patients beginning at 8:00 in the morning. Quite truly, one single slot of 10AM was waiting to be filled up! I was aghast. So many patients on a single day in a single hospital needed radiation therapy?! Good Heavens, it is the dreaded “C” disease that requires this treatment, not just common cold! Is cancer becoming as common as that? I hope not.
I hope everybody on this planet can join hands to fight it.
I finished eight rounds of chemo therapy and began on the next round of treatment …the radiation therapy. I am made to lay down in a semi dark room, on a cold platform with a metallic frame…not the most comfortable bed to lie on! An immobilizing cast made of thermo plastic is then placed on my naked body and then screwed on to the platform to keep me in place. Only then the treatment begins.
I need 31 sittings of this therapy and it takes only 20 minutes on the machine. Hence the ordeal does not last for too long. On the first day, the expert technician asked me which slot I preferred for each day. I would really have liked a slot around 11AM but unfortunately, that was not available. What a pity!
“Do take a look at the white board, Ma’am;” said the technician, “only 10AM is available.” I decided that the time was not convenient for me at all, and informed him that, in that case I would prefer a slot in the afternoon. “None other is available, Ma’am,” he insisted. I wondered disbelievingly, how that was possible and walked into the Control Room to take a look at the schedule.
What I saw was unbelievable! There was, on a huge white board, a schedule of 22 patients beginning at 8:00 in the morning. Quite truly, one single slot of 10AM was waiting to be filled up! I was aghast. So many patients on a single day in a single hospital needed radiation therapy?! Good Heavens, it is the dreaded “C” disease that requires this treatment, not just common cold! Is cancer becoming as common as that? I hope not.
I hope everybody on this planet can join hands to fight it.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
NO WAGS FOR THE WIG!! :((
I almost look like Mona Lisa nowadays! Of course I don’t have the enigmatic smile! I cannot even fake that smile. I can either smile from ear to ear or I can laugh.
Other than that, I am quite like Mona Lisa. My eyebrows are almost non existent…may be about 15 strands on one side and 20 on the other. In fact, let me tell you a secret…I can count my eyelashes and the fine hair inside my nostrils has completely gone! Hence every time I practice yoga, my nostrils stick to the nose till I blow them out!!
I have been tying various bandanas on my bald head for months now and I thought that I would go in for a more fashionable look. I decided to place an order for a wig. Though not as fancy as a multi colored one or anything as exotic as that, mine is a nice dark haired thing! I tried and retried it at the wig makers’ shop and returned home wearing it rather shyly. I thought I looked fairly chic in it. But who cares about what I thought? Simba did not agree with me at all! He jumped up and down to sniff the wig and growled. “Stop behaving like an idiot, Simba and don’t spoil the wig!” I growled back.
Silly smart Simba smelt the wig and knew that it was not “me”. He did not like me to wear it. He growled and growled incessantly till I pulled it off my head in utter disgust. I thought that I would look pretty with the wig, but obviously Simba’s definition of “pretty” is enormously different from mine. He much prefers his bald mama, smelling of her usual self rather than of some unfamiliar beauty!
So what if Pradipta, Diya and Tisham feel that I look good with the wig on, Simba barks to differ. The precious head piece is carefully stashed away in the wardrobe waiting for a special occasion when I shall place it on my perfect egg. It may begin to smell of me by then and Simba may approve of it….who knows. I must wait and see!
Other than that, I am quite like Mona Lisa. My eyebrows are almost non existent…may be about 15 strands on one side and 20 on the other. In fact, let me tell you a secret…I can count my eyelashes and the fine hair inside my nostrils has completely gone! Hence every time I practice yoga, my nostrils stick to the nose till I blow them out!!
I have been tying various bandanas on my bald head for months now and I thought that I would go in for a more fashionable look. I decided to place an order for a wig. Though not as fancy as a multi colored one or anything as exotic as that, mine is a nice dark haired thing! I tried and retried it at the wig makers’ shop and returned home wearing it rather shyly. I thought I looked fairly chic in it. But who cares about what I thought? Simba did not agree with me at all! He jumped up and down to sniff the wig and growled. “Stop behaving like an idiot, Simba and don’t spoil the wig!” I growled back.
Silly smart Simba smelt the wig and knew that it was not “me”. He did not like me to wear it. He growled and growled incessantly till I pulled it off my head in utter disgust. I thought that I would look pretty with the wig, but obviously Simba’s definition of “pretty” is enormously different from mine. He much prefers his bald mama, smelling of her usual self rather than of some unfamiliar beauty!
So what if Pradipta, Diya and Tisham feel that I look good with the wig on, Simba barks to differ. The precious head piece is carefully stashed away in the wardrobe waiting for a special occasion when I shall place it on my perfect egg. It may begin to smell of me by then and Simba may approve of it….who knows. I must wait and see!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
NECTAR OF THE BLUE LOTUS
What do you think would be the price of nectar of the blue lotus? My medicine Herceptin is the nectar of the blue lotus. Of course I am exaggerating a wee bit.
It was a jumbo chemo therapy that I went through on Thursday, 5th of August! The Taxol took 3 hours and Herceptin 1 hour. To add to this there was a pre medication of 30 minutes and a post medication of another 30 minutes… 5 hours!!! By the time the ordeal ended, I was six feet underground.
But that is a different story. Let me not digress.
Herceptin has no visible side effect, or at least I have not felt any as yet. But I am told that it effects the pumping of the heart. It is for this reason that I need to undergo an Echo Cardiogram every 3 months. My vodka plays mysterious tricks on me but the nectar of the blue lotus makes my heart bleed!
Herceptin is a drug made and distributed by an American biotechnology company called GENENTECH and it costs a fortune! Before I tell you any more about my bleeding heart, you must read what I read in the internet. I have only copied and condensed the relevant portions.
Trastuzumab
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
“Trastuzumab (INN; trade name Herceptin) Trastuzumab is an antibody that binds selectively to the HER2 protein. This increases the survival of people with cancer.
The original studies of trastuzumab showed that it improved survival in late-stage (metastatic) breast cancer, but there is controversy over whether trastuzumab is effective in earlier stage breast cancer. Trastuzumab is also controversial because of its cost, as much as $100,000 per year
One of the significant complications of trastuzumab is its effect on the heart. Trastuzumab is associated with cardiac dysfunction in 2-7% of cases. As a result, regular cardiac screening with either a MUGA scan or echocardiography is commonly undertaken during the trastuzumab treatment period.
The risk of cardiomyopathy is increased when trastuzumab is combined with anthracycline chemotherapy (which itself is associated with cardiac toxicity).
Few reporters have questioned the pricing of this drug but when asked, Genentech refuses to give details to explain the high costs.”
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trastuzumab
I heard what you just thought, “Of course, her heart would bleed!! Poor thing!!” You are so right!
The drug that I so desperately need to make me stay alive (not kicking, mind you!) is controversial not only because nobody knows at what stage of cancer it is effective, but also because it is so criminally expensive! Every time that I need to take an intravenous injection of Herceptin, it costs us anything between INR 1lakh, 18 thousand to INR 1 lakh, 25 thousand depending on the exchange rate for that day!! That is not even taking into account the usual hospital charges. Isn’t that preposterous?
Now, hold your breath! The High Maintenance Me needs 18 such Herceptin injections. I know that you would not dare to calculate, but would you send a word to God to remind Him that Pradipta and Sarbari Sen are just upper middle class average Indians who work hard to earn their bread and butter? Would you?
Do read the last 4 lines of my research, even if you did not feel like reading the rest of it. The delicious nectar causes a “risk of cardiac dysfunction”!! Oh my my!! Of course it does, Genentech!! It makes my poor little delirious heart bleed. I definitely do not need to wait for the dysfunction!
After the chemo therapy, when Pradipta’s credit card is swiped, it yelps ”Oops!”. Genentech cries out “Yipeeeeeee!”, my heart leaks a few drops of blood and I groan ”Oh why Genentech? Why ?”
It was a jumbo chemo therapy that I went through on Thursday, 5th of August! The Taxol took 3 hours and Herceptin 1 hour. To add to this there was a pre medication of 30 minutes and a post medication of another 30 minutes… 5 hours!!! By the time the ordeal ended, I was six feet underground.
But that is a different story. Let me not digress.
Herceptin has no visible side effect, or at least I have not felt any as yet. But I am told that it effects the pumping of the heart. It is for this reason that I need to undergo an Echo Cardiogram every 3 months. My vodka plays mysterious tricks on me but the nectar of the blue lotus makes my heart bleed!
Herceptin is a drug made and distributed by an American biotechnology company called GENENTECH and it costs a fortune! Before I tell you any more about my bleeding heart, you must read what I read in the internet. I have only copied and condensed the relevant portions.
Trastuzumab
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
“Trastuzumab (INN; trade name Herceptin) Trastuzumab is an antibody that binds selectively to the HER2 protein. This increases the survival of people with cancer.
The original studies of trastuzumab showed that it improved survival in late-stage (metastatic) breast cancer, but there is controversy over whether trastuzumab is effective in earlier stage breast cancer. Trastuzumab is also controversial because of its cost, as much as $100,000 per year
One of the significant complications of trastuzumab is its effect on the heart. Trastuzumab is associated with cardiac dysfunction in 2-7% of cases. As a result, regular cardiac screening with either a MUGA scan or echocardiography is commonly undertaken during the trastuzumab treatment period.
The risk of cardiomyopathy is increased when trastuzumab is combined with anthracycline chemotherapy (which itself is associated with cardiac toxicity).
Few reporters have questioned the pricing of this drug but when asked, Genentech refuses to give details to explain the high costs.”
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trastuzumab
I heard what you just thought, “Of course, her heart would bleed!! Poor thing!!” You are so right!
The drug that I so desperately need to make me stay alive (not kicking, mind you!) is controversial not only because nobody knows at what stage of cancer it is effective, but also because it is so criminally expensive! Every time that I need to take an intravenous injection of Herceptin, it costs us anything between INR 1lakh, 18 thousand to INR 1 lakh, 25 thousand depending on the exchange rate for that day!! That is not even taking into account the usual hospital charges. Isn’t that preposterous?
Now, hold your breath! The High Maintenance Me needs 18 such Herceptin injections. I know that you would not dare to calculate, but would you send a word to God to remind Him that Pradipta and Sarbari Sen are just upper middle class average Indians who work hard to earn their bread and butter? Would you?
Do read the last 4 lines of my research, even if you did not feel like reading the rest of it. The delicious nectar causes a “risk of cardiac dysfunction”!! Oh my my!! Of course it does, Genentech!! It makes my poor little delirious heart bleed. I definitely do not need to wait for the dysfunction!
After the chemo therapy, when Pradipta’s credit card is swiped, it yelps ”Oops!”. Genentech cries out “Yipeeeeeee!”, my heart leaks a few drops of blood and I groan ”Oh why Genentech? Why ?”
Thursday, August 12, 2010
THEY HAVE HEARTS OF GOLD!
I could not possibly do without them! Throughout my post surgery and the chemo therapy days my home would not have run, we would not have had food to eat, Simba would not have survived, I would not even have managed to reach the hospital every other day if we had not had the support of these seven wonderful people who work for us.
Rumali, the girl who works in the house, is a perfect gem. She is young, attractive, intelligent and cheerful. She took care of the house while I was in bed recovering from the surgery or from the innumerable rounds of chemo therapy. Simba loves playing with her just as much as she loves being with him. They make such a noisy pair! Young Rumali does not take a single day off from work without giving prior notice to avoid any kind of inconvenience. She proudly calls herself the “supervisor” of my home!
Shikha dusts and cleans the house to perfection. She is quiet, polite and meticulous. One could not find flaw in her work even if one tried. Not one to take leave till she absolutely needs it, Shikha ensures that every thing is in perfect order in the house. She makes an extra effort as I am restricted to the bed much of the time.
Asha cooks for us and often does not keep too well. She is intelligent, polite and quick with her work. As I am compelled to eat food that has been freshly cooked at home, Asha avoids taking leave as much as she can. She ensures that all of us, including Simba eat warm, home cooked meals each day.
Bapi comes in once a week to do little odd jobs which are so important. He makes sure that all fans and lights are squeaky clean, glass panes are spotless and that Simba gets enough exercise.
The gardener, Jai also comes in once a week. He has been taking care of my plants for the last six years and proudly beams every time a flowering plant is in bloom.
Our two drivers Tirath Singh and Devinder Singh are totally indispensable even though three members out of the five of us are fully capable of driving. Both of them have neither ever been late for duty, nor have taken leave without prior information. They are so dependable!
These seven trustworthy people have hearts of gold. Their sensitivity, involvement and willingness to extend a helping hand have been pulling us through our difficult times. May God bless each one of them.
Rumali, the girl who works in the house, is a perfect gem. She is young, attractive, intelligent and cheerful. She took care of the house while I was in bed recovering from the surgery or from the innumerable rounds of chemo therapy. Simba loves playing with her just as much as she loves being with him. They make such a noisy pair! Young Rumali does not take a single day off from work without giving prior notice to avoid any kind of inconvenience. She proudly calls herself the “supervisor” of my home!
Shikha dusts and cleans the house to perfection. She is quiet, polite and meticulous. One could not find flaw in her work even if one tried. Not one to take leave till she absolutely needs it, Shikha ensures that every thing is in perfect order in the house. She makes an extra effort as I am restricted to the bed much of the time.
Asha cooks for us and often does not keep too well. She is intelligent, polite and quick with her work. As I am compelled to eat food that has been freshly cooked at home, Asha avoids taking leave as much as she can. She ensures that all of us, including Simba eat warm, home cooked meals each day.
Bapi comes in once a week to do little odd jobs which are so important. He makes sure that all fans and lights are squeaky clean, glass panes are spotless and that Simba gets enough exercise.
The gardener, Jai also comes in once a week. He has been taking care of my plants for the last six years and proudly beams every time a flowering plant is in bloom.
Our two drivers Tirath Singh and Devinder Singh are totally indispensable even though three members out of the five of us are fully capable of driving. Both of them have neither ever been late for duty, nor have taken leave without prior information. They are so dependable!
These seven trustworthy people have hearts of gold. Their sensitivity, involvement and willingness to extend a helping hand have been pulling us through our difficult times. May God bless each one of them.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
SIMBA IS SUCH A CLOWN!
Simba is my baby. He is 22 months old and is such a clown! He is a big golden Labrador who has gorgeous kohl lined eyes and an exceptionally keen eye sight. He has small ears but a sharp sense of hearing and has a long dark snout but is quite useless at sniffing. Now, can you believe that? Labradors are supposed to be sniffers, but no, not our dear junglee Simba!
I was petrified of him when he first came into the family. Pradipta held him in the crook of his arm and brought him in. Diya and Pradipta, being dog lovers were mesmerized by him. Tisham and I were far from it. The same evening the little fellow was unwell and needed to be rushed to the vet. We were told that he had chest congestion and unless well cared for, would not survive. Pradipta and Diya took care of him. That was when Tisham named him Simba, the Lion King.
It was one winter morning that the little fellow crept between Tisham’s feet as he sat at the table, that Tisham gave his heart to him. I took the longest, insisting that I did not want to have anything to do with the tiny pup.
One day Tisham took me to task and told me that little Simba had left his mum and family to be with us, and there I was not taking care of him, not caressing him!! I felt guilty and decided that come what may, I would learn to look after Simba. I started feeding him, and training him to go the toilet just as I had done for Diya and Tisham. The tiny fellow began to learn and would come and tell me when he wanted to pee or potty.
You do understand that all this bonding was strictly out of a feeling of guilt? As he grew, he was up to the most annoying things! My perfect home would be in a clutter when I returned from school. As he was teething, he gnawed a door post and chewed up a considerable bit. Much of the furniture was also chewed up. Once a TV remote was broken in bits and some portions of it showed up in his poop. Not much was spared; from plants to garments, to shoes, to fish food to pigeon droppings and even his own poop!! :) That was our Simba growing up!
While all these catastrophic events were raging in the house, quite unknowingly, I fell in love with this menace!
Today, this huge little fellow hates to see anything out of place at home. It upsets him to see anybody pluck a flower and he growls. He runs around the apartment playing “catching” or ‘fetching the ball” while wriggling and dodging furniture. He does not drop a single object! His entire hide wags when he wags his tail in utmost glee!
Every time that I return home after my chemo therapy, Simba knows that I am unwell. He does not disturb me in the least and does not lick me. He keeps sleeping next to my bed. I marvel at his sensitivity. Who taught him, I wonder.
Simba’s command over the English language extends to 10 words: apart from the usual “stay”, “sit”, “go”, “fetch” and “salute”, he is beside himself with excitement when he hears “doggie”, ”squirrel”, “pigeon”, “plane” and “bye”! He communicates with me in chaste Bengali while I have become quite a master in dog language!
The big brat, Simba Sen is the master of the family. His unconditional love overwhelms us. He makes us laugh. We adore the menace! :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
LIFE IS A BLESSING!
The other day, in the chemo day care room, I saw an elderly lady undergoing chemo therapy. It seemed that she was suffering so much that she was almost unconscious. I felt very sad on seeing her suffering and wondered why God was putting an old lady through it.
While I was trying to jerk myself out of this state of sadness, a gentleman, emerged out of one of the cabins, moving the curtain enough to reveal the patient inside. It was a frail young boy of about 16 years ! I was numbed! This seemed even more unfair! He had not tasted life as yet! Why should this little thing suffer?
Somewhere, I felt angry. I did not want anybody to suffer, to feel pain. I remembered my father being wheeled from one room to another in the hospital. I remembered the pain and the suffering that he had gone through. I remember him being numb with pain and I thought that God was so unfair.
Weren’t the pain and the suffering the reasons for the quest of the great Buddha? I do know that sadness, pain, suffering and loss are as much a part of life as are happiness, love and peace. Keeping my faith in the Almighty, I sent up a silent prayer for the aged lady and the little boy.
Ever since I have been fighting cancer, my own perspective of life has changed. I realize that Life is a blessing of God. Every moment that we have to live we must live it King size with no regrets.
When I look around me, I see the leaves on the trees are greener than ever before, there are flowers everywhere and there are beautiful green butterflies. Have you noticed them too? I notice the children playing around with such exuberance. I see the burst of colour and energy around me. I have begun noticing the colour of the sky, the formation of birds in flight and the expressions on people’s faces as they chat.
I realize that every day needs to be lived with love and cherished. If we could fill our cups with joys, big or small, the sorrows may seem less. My father was content with life. He always said that he had nothing more to ask for. At that time I did not completely understand what he meant. But now I think I do. It is important to count our blessings. Since life is a blessing, we need to celebrate it!
While I was trying to jerk myself out of this state of sadness, a gentleman, emerged out of one of the cabins, moving the curtain enough to reveal the patient inside. It was a frail young boy of about 16 years ! I was numbed! This seemed even more unfair! He had not tasted life as yet! Why should this little thing suffer?
Somewhere, I felt angry. I did not want anybody to suffer, to feel pain. I remembered my father being wheeled from one room to another in the hospital. I remembered the pain and the suffering that he had gone through. I remember him being numb with pain and I thought that God was so unfair.
Weren’t the pain and the suffering the reasons for the quest of the great Buddha? I do know that sadness, pain, suffering and loss are as much a part of life as are happiness, love and peace. Keeping my faith in the Almighty, I sent up a silent prayer for the aged lady and the little boy.
Ever since I have been fighting cancer, my own perspective of life has changed. I realize that Life is a blessing of God. Every moment that we have to live we must live it King size with no regrets.
When I look around me, I see the leaves on the trees are greener than ever before, there are flowers everywhere and there are beautiful green butterflies. Have you noticed them too? I notice the children playing around with such exuberance. I see the burst of colour and energy around me. I have begun noticing the colour of the sky, the formation of birds in flight and the expressions on people’s faces as they chat.
I realize that every day needs to be lived with love and cherished. If we could fill our cups with joys, big or small, the sorrows may seem less. My father was content with life. He always said that he had nothing more to ask for. At that time I did not completely understand what he meant. But now I think I do. It is important to count our blessings. Since life is a blessing, we need to celebrate it!
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